Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Honor Student

Hello, everyone! Here is a short story from "Maddie's Gone", which is a novel based in Key West. The characters in the short stories (one between each chapter of Maddie) show up in Maddie's main story.
Maddie's Gone is available at http://www.amazon.com. It's also at http://www.absolutelyamazingebooks.com, the new online book publisher based in Key West.


Honor Student

4 p.m.

Thunder shattered the humid afternoon as the first raindrops in six weeks fell in the parched backyard.
Rose watched from the open kitchen window as the drops, heavy and swollen, pattered on the broad-leafed plants and launched puffs of dust from the hard ground.
Another thunderclap–buh-room!--and the sky opened up, bringing torrents of cool rain. The thirsty ornamental plants and fruit trees Rose’s grandfather had planted in this backyard a lifetime ago--mango, key lime, star fruit and avocado trees—dipped and swayed under the wind-blown sheets of rain. The young woman breathed deeply, letting the freshened air fill her lungs.
Rose flinched as an arc light above the house filled the room and a lightning bolt slammed just beyond the back fence. Thunder exploded in the trees, rattling windows in their wooden frames.
The storm mirrored the young woman's mood.
"Ritchie … Ritchie … you idiot," she whispered under the rain’s roar.
Rose is a senior honor student at Key West High School. She’s been dating Ritchie since the two were juniors. She’s beautiful like so many young Conch women, lovely with the rare, olive beauty of a Latin movie starlet. She is slim, with elegant arms and small hands that never move far from her sides, even when she’s excited. Her wide, brown eyes are framed by long dark hair, a genetic gift from her Cuban and Bahamian ancestors. Her smile is practiced in delightful reaction to other people’s good news while her voice is designed for soothing troubled friends.
Rose and her 14-year-old sister, Anna Maria—who is a younger version of Rose, though less graceful and far less composed—have a sense of humor tempered by a difficult family life.
Like other children born to Conch families, they live within a protective and lively family circle. Attentive grandparents, conspiratorial and fun-loving aunts, hard-working uncles and a small legion of cousins—all form a world in which the two sisters can safely go about their daily lives.
As for Rose, she is trusting of most young men her age and can love with a maturity beyond her years.
But Rose is no fool.
"Yep, this time you’ve gone too far, Ritchie," she muttered as the breeze lifted the gauze curtains over the sink.
The scent of spices—bay leaf, oregano, cilantro, cumin, chili and curry powders—ride the cool air from the window. Wooden spoons, ladles, spatulas, icing whips and other utensils poke from the top of a jar next to the stove. The small kitchen is where the heart beats in this family.
Misshapen sea turtles Rose made for her aunt when she was in kindergarten stare out from the windowsill. An aging watercolor of a farmer’s market in 1930s Havana is on the wall behind the kitchen table. As the thunder withdrew across the island, Rose prepared for a visit from Ritchie, due anytime. She lit a burner under the teapot. As she rehearsed her conversation with Ritchie, she put out lemons, sugar and milk.
Rose is convinced Ritchie has been trying to sleep with Anna Maria, barely 15. A child! In a few minutes, Rose will see Ritchie and bring an end to this whole charade. Then a new thunder--Anna Maria--hit the front porch and bounded through the front door, gasping for breath. The screen door banged after her.
"Ohmygosh, Rosa! Did you see that lightning? I knew it was going to rain any second when I was at the store so I started running so fast but I couldn’t outrun the rain! Look at me! I’m wet as shit!" Beaming from beneath a tangle of untidy shoulder-length hair, Anna Maria flicked her arms and hands about, as if shaking off the rain.
"Anna!" Rose gasped, trying not to laugh. "Watch your nasty mouth! You are such a sewer mouth!"
"I know, Rosie, sorry," she pretended to pout. "Rosie, hand me a towel, please?"
Rose snatched the dish towel off the oven door and flung it, hitting her little sister in the face. Rose wore a brave smile as she watched Anna towel her hair and arms.
"How are you big sister?" the little sister asked, not really caring about the answer.
"You know you could get hit by lightning playing out there?" Rose scolded. "But please do me a favor, OK? Go and change your clothes in your room and stay in there? Ritchie is coming over and he and I need to talk."
Anna Maria dropped the towel, kicked off her shoes in the middle of the living room and ran down the hall without picking them up.
"Darn it, Anna! Don’t make me pick up after you!"
As she held Anna’s shoes, Rose noticed they were wet, but not soaking wet as they should be if her little sister had run all that way through the rain. The corner store was three blocks away, plenty of time for her to be completely soaked.
"More proof somebody’s lying," Rose said, worried that she may be too late to stop Ritchie.
Rose’s job is to protect her little sister. When her mother was dying, she made Rose promise to watch out for the child. Her aunts never stop reminding Rose of that duty.
Anna Maria, in spite of her attempts to act like an adult, is much too trusting of what people, especially Ritchie, tell her. Rose knew that little girls grew up too fast in this tourist town of bars, adult bookstores and strip clubs. Keeping children carefree and safe from adult truths wasn’t easy. Last year, 16 girls at Key West High School attended class pregnant and completed their studies from home while nursing and diapering their newborns.
Rose and Anna Maria should be what the experts call "at-risk" teens. Their father, a handsome and cheerful Navy officer, drank heavily every day. From a town in upstate New York, he had been stationed in Key West for a short time when he met their mother. The two had fallen in love and married.
The officer loved his daughters deeply, calling them his "princesses of paradise." Rose remembered him running around the backyard with her on his shoulders; how he kissed her cheek as she slept when he came home from work some nights.
But as their father’s drinking increased, he began to lose his memory, Rose’s aunt explained to Rose when she was older. His memory got so bad he’d forget what time dinner was and more importantly, where his wife and two daughters lived. A few times he even forgot he was married, running about town for days with women who were not his wife.
Each time he came to and returned home, he had been sick with grief, especially after coming off a long, drunken spree--one famously lasted 18 days.
To fight back, mother would call him unmanly, a coward, too weak to care for his family. Mother once accused him of being a "maricon," slang for "gay." That was just a tame sample from her verbal arsenal. He’d yell back, but the war had already been lost.
He’d be wracked with sobs as he knelt before his little girls, trying to explain to their little angelic faces that they hadn’t done anything wrong, that he loved them deeply. Rose knew without a doubt that he had loved them. He just forgot where he lived sometimes.
But the Navy officer couldn’t stop drinking, so Rose’s uncle Virgilio and a couple of his buddies stepped up at the request of mother to teach the wayward Navy man a lesson with their fists.
Lesson learned: Father fled the house, Key West, even Florida, never to return. He had been told not to call or even write his daughters, but Rose hoped one day he would come back to visit. She never hated him but loved him and forgave him everything.
Not too many years after that, mother had become very sick, spending several days a week in Miami at Jackson Memorial Hospital undergoing chemotherapy and radiation treatment. Then one day there was just Rose, Anna Maria and Aunt Helen. Though they had a dozen other aunts and uncles, Helen, their Tia, had been the one to feed, clothe and care for them, providing a clean home empty of chaos and fear.
Aunt Helen was now in Miami at Calder Race Track with some of her buddies at this moment. Her vivacious aunt trusted Rose, so as she played the ponies and hit the malls in Dade this week, it was Rose’s job to watch Anna until her aunt returned in a few days.
Rose heard a tentative knock at the screen door. She saw Ritchie peering at her through the screen door. Her heart skipped—not out of love for the blue-eyed, athletic young man—but for the impossible act she was about to perform. Ritchie knocked a second time, but timidly…the sign of a guilty man?
"Hey there Rosie. Mind if I come in?" Ritchie asked as the rain angled under the porch roof, pelting him.
Rose didn't budge. She usually ran to the front door with a big hug in greeting, so Ritchie waited.
Someone had to give in, so Ritchie opened the door, stepped into the house and politely pulled off his shoes. He placed them neatly against the wall inside the front door.
Rose watched him from the kitchen and didn’t offer him the towel.
Ritchie walked into the kitchen and leaned over to kiss her cheek, but Rose pulled away. She stepped over to the kitchen sink and resumed her place there.
"So you are upset at me," Ritchie said. "You didn’t sound happy when you said you wanted to talk."
Rose turned toward him.
"I called you over here because I need to get some things straight between us."
Ritchie sat at the small kitchen table. "What kind of things?"
He knows exactly what I’m going to ask him, Rose thought. The tea kettle began to whistle.
"You and I have been together since last year, when I was 17, when we were juniors ..."
"Who cares how long ago that was," Ritchie said too quickly. "I still love you with all my heart."
"…but we made it work," she continued. "My aunt didn’t like you, but I told her you were being a gentleman. You didn’t try to get in my pants or anything."
"I respected you. I didn’t want to rush things."
"I haven’t ever forgotten that," Rose said.
Rose put a spoon and tea cup in front of Ritchie. Tears formed in her eyes.
Ritchie thinks he knows where this is going. She was dumping him. For good.
"I don’t want us to break up …" Ritchie blurted.
"Shhhhhh," Rose said, looking into his eyes for the first time. "I just want to know, and you have to be honest with me. Are you trying to sleep with my little sister?"
At this, the precisely wrong moment, Anna walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. With her head inside the refrigerator door, Anna turned and looked at Ritchie with a sexually meaningful look. Ritchie snapped his head down and stared at his lap.
Rose saw the little exchange; her instincts and what she’s heard from her are true. Her boyfriend has been having an affair with Anna.
"Anna Maria! Ritchie and I are talking!" she yelled.
"Just a second, Rosie ... I have to get a soda, chill," Anna said, giving Ritchie with what the little girl imagined is a look of romantic longing. Ritchie still refused to look her direction.
"How are you, Ritchie?" Anna tried again.
"OK, I guess," he said, still staring at his lap. "Why don’t you go to your room? Rose and I need privacy."
She smiled at Ritchie as she closed the fridge door, then skipped down the hall to her room. Ritchie cursed under his breath. He was red-faced as he studied his hands.
Rose exploded.
"Did you give my little sister a ride on your way over here!?"
"I saw her walking in the rain so I gave her a ride," he lied. "She was on her way here from the store when I saw her."
"That’s why her clothes are so dry, even though she told me she ran all the way home through the rain?" He must have dropped her off a half-block down the street. Rose wanted to punch and kick this boy she’d trusted with her body, her love, but she didn’t.
The water on the stove began to boil, a weak whistle building in the kettle's throat.
Rose is not just angry but frightened, too. There’s no telling how long Ritchie and Anna Maria had been alone in Ritchie’s house today—or in his car, or wherever they were doing what she feared they'd been doing. She imagined the worst, picturing Ritchie and Anna ...
She shivered at the thought. Rose yanked the tea canister from the cupboard and slammed it on the table in front of Ritchie. He jumped in his chair.
"Why did you have her act like she had been running home in the rain instead of just telling me the truth? She wasn’t outside in the rain!You didn’t pick her up at the store, either, she has no packages. She didn’t buy anything.You dropped her off up the street and then you waited in your car long enough to make it seem like you had driven here alone."
Ritchie sat silently, embarrassment heating his scalp.
"Elizabeth Spago said she saw you and my little sister getting real hot and heavy at the movies two nights ago.You like minor children, Ritchie?"
He gaped up at Rose: "What are you talking about? She’s your little sister! We were just talking! Elizabeth is just starting her normal shit!"
"Just now, you were with Anna Maria before you came over here, right?"
"I gave her a ride because it was raining!"
"No! I mean you were with her at your house Ritchie! I am not stupid. You have been messing around with my little sister. Are you two doing what you do with me?"
Anna Maria burst into the kitchen again. "I am not a baby!" she shouted at Rose.
Ritchie stood up to leave.
Rose whipped around: "Sit the hell down!" then: "Annie! We are talking! Go back to your room!"
"He just kissed me a couple of times and held me when we were watching TV! That’s all he did! He loves me! You’re just jealous!"
Ritchie died a thousand deaths. He froze in a crouch above the chair, stuck between sitting and fleeing the house.
"Girl, you’re crazy!" Ritchie yelled at Anna. "I never kissed you or touched you! You’re making this up to hurt your sister!"
Their exchange left Rose speechless; her mouth hung open in disbelief. Then she laughed, a hearty, woman's laugh, laughing, laughing at the insanity of it all. She also felt relief that she was doing the right thing. Ritchie was history.
Looking out the window again, she saw that the sky was still dark, but the rain was slowing. She sighed, letting her anger dissipate.
"Anna," she said calmly, "please go back in your room. Everything’s OK.You haven’t done anything wrong."
Anna wanted to say something more, but thought better of it. She retreated down the hall to her room. Ritchie settled back into his chair with his arms on the table. Rose stood behind Ritchie's chair as she put a tea bag into his cup.
Rose turned off the screaming kettle and brought it over to the table.
"I believe you, Ritchie," she lied. "It’s just that I hate it when you don’t tell me the truth, OK? And I have to watch out for Anna, that’s all there is to it."
He leaned back to give her room to pour. He knew silence was the right play here.
Swirling hot water engulfed the tea bag and rising steam caressed Ritchie’s nose and eyes.
She stepped to the other side of the table and filled her teacup. She returned the kettle to the stove. Rose realized she wasn't sad about what she was doing. Not in the least.
Ritchie sipped in silence, adding sugar and lemon. He stirred his tea, unable to look at Rose.
Rose let the silence ride as they sat together in the small kitchen. She will ask Anna Maria exactly what Ritchie has been up to, but now wasn't the time.Today was for mourning. She took a long look at Ritchie and said to herself, "Goodbye, Ritchie. You won’t be coming around here any more."
Ritchie’s cell phone rang.
"Yo! What up?" "No shit? I’ll be right there."
There’s that gangsta talk he does, which Rosa never liked. Ritchie and she get top grades at the high school, but she doesn't employ slang with their friends.
Ritchie closed his cell phone, took a long sip of his tea, and dashed to the font door.
"That was Bobby, Rose. He’s OK, but his car ran off the road," he said as he put on his shoes. "He needs me to pick him up."
Rose was relieved; she didn’t want him falling apart in her mother’s house. She didn’t want Anna to see him destroyed. She wanted Anna far, far away from Ritchie when things turned ugly. This saved her from asking Ritchie to leave.
"OK, Ritchie," she said, not getting up from the table. "Call me later, OK? We need to talk some more. We aren’t done here."
"I know, I am so sorry all this stuff is being said. It’s not true, you know I wouldn’t hurt you …" He ran out the front door and was gone.
Rose dumped the cups in the sink and after scrubbing the basin, let hot water run a long time. She threw the cups, spoons, napkins, and sugar bowl into the trash, and took it out to the curb.
11 p.m. Two men stood before the body of a young man laid out on a stainless steel autopsy table at the Monroe County Medical Examiner’s office. The man on the left, Key West Police Detective Ron Pabon and his friend on the right, the Keys medical examiner, were getting their first good look at the body, which an M.E. assistant had just delivered through the loading dock.
The deceased young man’s face was blistered and his lips swollen like one of those party balloons clowns twist into Dachshunds. The skin was flaking off the upper arms and chest of the man in reddish, paper-thin strips. The eyelids also were swollen nearly closed and skin was flaking off his forehead.
"Good looking kid," Detective Pabon joked.
"How can you tell?" the M.E. asked, turning away from the victim to look at the homicide cop. The doctor was older, with gray hair and thick eyeglasses that enlarged his grey eyes five times normal size. Those giant eyes flapping at him through the glasses’ coke bottle lenses gave the detective the creeps.
"Because you can’t take your eyes off him," the detective said.
The M.E. didn’t laugh. "What do you know about what happened to this kid?"
Pabon cleared his throat and pulled a small notebook from his suit jacket.
"Got a call from some guys, some friends of his who were hanging out on a residential street near White Street Pier," he said.
Pabon’s cell phone rang. He looked at the number displayed on its screen, and ignored the call before continuing.
"One of them had wrecked his car by running into and over a stop sign. They were trying to find a way to back it off the sign, which was bent beneath the oil pan. The victim pulled up in his car, got out, already complaining that his eyes and mouth were burning. Then he starts complaining of stomach pains. He vomited and screamed that his insides are burning. His pals said he was dancing around like he was on fire, scratching at his face and chest. Then he went blind, running into things, screaming that he couldn’t see. He fell into the street and went into convulsions. He did the death kicks, right there on United Street. A young kid like this, he just fell apart and died minutes after joining his friends."
"Any of the kids at the scene on drugs or drinking? Was the driver of the car that hit the sign impaired?" the M.E. asked.
"There was no indication that they had been taking anything or drinking," the detective said. "I interviewed each of them with that in mind. I smelled no alcohol on them and their pupils moved normally, even though they were scared to death of what they'd just seen happen to their friend. One of them said he grew up with the dead boy. Same age."
As the M.E. pushed down on the young man's fingernail beds, Pabon continued.
"Dispatch got a call of a sick person and when the EMTs got there, the boy was down; they got no pulse. They tried CPR, which I don't want to think about, and then I got the call. They said they smelled some possible chemicals on the kid, which is how they think his skin got like this. And his lips and skin … well you can see, doc, he got into something. The EMTs said it looked like some kind of chemical poisoning. Even his scalp is scaling off. Unless it’s the worst bee sting reaction the planet has ever seen, I figure exposure to something. I agree with the ambulance guys, that this kid got hit with chemicals. That’s why I want you to tell me as soon as you figure something out. If it's chemicals, we have to find the source so no one else gets hurt."
"Anyone else there complain about feeling sick, itchy, any of this kid’s complaints?"
"Nope," Pabon said. "They were all fine. Like I said, I took my time talking to them to make sure. They hadn’t been exposed to anything he might have been exposed to. But I told them to call a doctor and then me if they started feeling ill."
The M.E. nodded as the detective spoke.
"It looks consistent with a chemical attack, to tell you the truth," the M.E. said. "I was an Army medic and we studied all this stuff. First Gulf War and all that; we saw pictures of what sarin, anthrax, mustard gas, and those other nasty weapons can do to soldiers. Sick stuff. Blistering agents create results look just like this kid. I'll do an autopsy tonight, make some phone calls in the morning. It wouldn't hurt to contact Centers for Disease Control or Homeland Security in Miami. They’d want to know about this."
The M.E. paused for a moment, then said:
"First I’m going to back away from this kid and put on some protective gloves, a rubber smock, eye protection, the works. He’s like a seed pod ready to explode."
"I thought you already had your goggles on," Pabon laughed.
"Screw you, detective," the M.E. said, his eyes growing in giant irritation behind his thick lenses. "I'll talk to you in the morning."


The next day
10 a.m.
Pabon drew the sleeping woman close to him. His wife’s rhythmic breathing was beautiful and it drew him back toward sleep.
His cell phone chirped, ending that idea. His wife stirred and mumbled, "Answer the phone, detective."
"Yes ma'am," Pabon said gently. "Hello Doc .... what, right now? OK, give me an hour."
After a cup of Cuban coffee and a hot shower, Pabon put on clean slacks, a pressed shirt and a suit jacket and drove from Key West to Marathon to visit the medical examiner. It was another beautiful morning.
This time, the M.E. and Pabon wore splash guards over their faces, as well as rubber gloves and aprons as they stood before the young man on the autopsy table. The young man hadn’t moved an eyelash overnight.
"I hope you are a man with an open mind," the M.E. said. "At first I couldn’t believe it, either.
"Believe what?" Pabon asked.
"I have a couple of choices for you, detective, but I’m going to give you the most likely scenario. I haven’t sewn him back up because I wanted you to see this."
Pabon was fighting nausea at the back of his throat. There’s a chemical smell in the air but it’s not formaldehyde, which he has smelled before. The boy's intestines are a jellied mass; his esophagus is peeling; and blood flecks his lungs and other organs.
"Is it something we have to alert the feds to?" Pabon asked, his bile rising. By law, local law enforcement agencies must immediately report any suspected deaths from sarin, anthrax, mustard gas or other weaponized chemical to the Florida Health Department, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, and the FBI, which was part of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security.
"I am not sure in this case," the M.E. said. "From what I understand, what we're dealing with occurs naturally. The substance that baked this boy’s insides is a local product."
"What are we talking about here?" Pabon asked, irritated at the M.E.'s inability to get to the point. Something that could do this to an otherwise healthy young man’s stomach and organs should not be available to the public. He wanted to find it and get it under control.
"It took me a while to track this thing down this morning," the M.E. said. "I made some calls to internists, poison specialists and gastro-enterologists in Miami and Tallahassee. They all pointed to possible poisoning by a chemical weapons agent. What I described to them over the phone wasn’t something they could pinpoint beyond that. I e-mailed photographs to the CDC and also described the smell over the phone to one of their experts. I also express mailed the CDC tissue samples, but that’s going to take some time to get results."
"How long will it take?" Pabon snapped. "Get to the point, doc. You told me this was something produced locally. Is it something off the Navy base?"
"Could take a month," the M.E. said, ignoring Pabon’s impatience. "But I think we already know what it is. The best train of thought comes from academics, right here in the neighborhood. When I called the University of Miami, a toxicologist at Jackson Memorial suggested I call a botanist."
"Come on, a botanist? Look at this man’s insides, doc! You’re saying a plant or a flower did this?"
"Ever hear of horse madness, detective? I don’t expect the term to mean anything to you because most modern doctors don’t come across it. Few detectives have heard of it, either. It didn’t mean anything to me, either," the M.E. said.
"What do you mean, 'modern doctors?'"
"The term horse madness was coined in the 1600s by an English medical specialist who was familiarizing himself with the plant life of the New World tropics. He was along for the ride with other early Spanish and English settlers who came ashore in the Caribbean Basin. He’s the one who came up with the term "horse madness."
Pabon relented. "Explain this to me, doc."
The M.E. reached behind him and picked up a thick volume laying on the instrument table behind him. "Listen to this, detective, and learn," the M.E. said. "This comes from a tropical plant encyclopedia. I got it from a local botanist who dropped it by this morning."
He opened the book and read.
"When the Spanish, French and Dutch began to explore and settle the Caribbean Islands and South America, the new arrivals hacked down trees and burned jungle to clear land for their settlements," the M.E. read. "A ship’s doctor noticed that the smoke from certain trees caused extreme respiratory distress, and that the smoke also burned the eyes, nose and throats of slaves and settlers. Smoke in the eyes caused blindness for up to six months in some unlucky settlers who tried burning out forest to make a homestead. Chopping down the trees wasn’t much better, because the sap and bark caused skin irritation, boils, blisters and caused the skin to even peel off un-exposed arms, legs and other areas. Even sitting under these trees during a rain can cause blisters and skin burns. Birds that rest in the trees also can be poisoned in heavy rains and fall to the ground mortally poisoned."
"What! So a plant killed our victim?"
"A tree, actually, or its fruit, leaves or bark, if I’m correct. Its scientific name is Hippomane mancinell, the hippo part refers to horse. It’s called Manchinell and it grows right here in the Keys; but it’s found almost solely in Big Pine Key. It grows in the environment between the mangroves and the hardwoods."
"That’s horrible, doc.So this kid must have been walking around the mangroves and brushed up against this tree? I asked his friends where he’d been that day, they said they thought he’d been at his girlfriend’s earlier but his buddies never mentioned that he’d been in the woods."
"He probably wasn’t exposed to this nasty plant in the wild, detective. Here, take a closer look at his throat. You see how his esophagus is destroyed?"
The esophagus was ulcerated, actually melted, and the stomach lining had sloughed off. The digestive tract was corroded from the chin to the small intestine. Pabon shook his head in amazement.
The M.E. continued:
"I called Dr. Stephen Hodges, the botanist at the Key West Tropical Forest and Botanical Garden and he faxed me a description of what the leaves and fruit of this plant can do to a victim when eaten," the M.E. said. "Guava in this description means jelly made from its fruit or sap, what have you," the M.E. said. He put the book down and pulled a fax from a pocket on his protective smock.
"If eaten, the poisonous guava leads to the dissolution of the mucus membranes from the back of the tongue down, accompanied with massive internal hemorrhaging … sloughing of the gastric mucosa evident. Abdominal pain, vomiting and bleeding of the digestive tract is usual.
The plant contains carcinogens, is water-soluble and contains toxins that Caribbean Indians used to tip their spears for hunting. Animals would drop dead soon after being hit with their arrows."
"I still can’t believe this stuff grows around here," Pabon said.
"The tree is actually a self-contained chemical weapons factory designed to protect its leaves, bark and roots from any insects, pests or birds that deign to feed off its fruit, or apparently, rest on it or under it," the M.E. said. "That’s how the tree defends itself in the tropics where insects are lively year round. There’s no frost to kill the burrowing and feeding insects, so the tree came up with its own killing system over the ages. And the result in humans, anyway, is the odorous and tragic situation we see here before us," the M.E. said. "Live and learn. Or die and teach, as this man has done for us."
Pabon was thunderstruck.
"They should teach this stuff in school so people don’t make the mistake this poor kid made," the detective said. "I’ve never heard of this tree before. And it's all around us?"
"Not all around us, but there are patches here and there on Big Pine Key. Most residential areas in the Keys are free of it, thank God. But I think you’re missing my point."
"What point is that, doc?"
"Since we have no indication that he went for a hike in Big Pine or anywhere else, how did he get this poisonous plant inside of him?"
Pabon pointed a finger in the M.E.’s face, and with mock anger, said, "I was thinking the same thing, and since I’m the detective here, I really think you should have let me say that before you did. But I’m going to let that one pass."
"Right," the M.E. smiled. "Someone crushed up the leaves or bark of the plant and fed it to him in a nice red pasta sauce or in a drink."
Pabon pulled his small notebook from inside his jacket and flipped through its pages.
"That is an exceptionally brutal thing to do to a person, don’t you think, doc?" Pabon said. "That takes an extremely sick individual and someone with very little love for his fellow human beings, I’d say. It also sounds like the poison hits fast so the kid must have ingested it not too long before he pulled up to his friend's little car crash. It's time to talk to whoever saw him last. If his friends are correct, it was his girlfriend."
Pabon slapped his friend on the shoulder and walked through the swinging doors to the loading dock and his car, leaving the M.E. with his silent teacher.


1 p.m. Rose lay on her back on the sofa, a tissue in the hand that covered her face. A box of tissues sat on the coffee table next to her. Her eyes were swollen from crying. She had slept little the night before, what with cousins and close friends calling or dropping by at all hours. She was wiped out emotionally and physically exhausted. She was in the world between waking and sleeping.
Anna Maria was in her bedroom, fast asleep after a night of crying. Aunt Helen had called earlier that morning from Miami. Upon hearing the news about Ritchie, she told Rose she would drive and be home by evening.
Rose opened her eyes to the solid knock at the front door, but didn’t move to answer it. She couldn’t take another visitor.
The knock came again, this time much stronger. Rose sighed and put her feet on the floor without rising. As the third knock, a near pounding, filled the house, she heard an authoritative voice on the other side of the door.
"Hello? Anyone home?" the voice boomed. "This is Key West Detective something something …"
She jumped to her feet. She had expected this and thought she had prepared herself. But she now realized there had been no way to prepare for this visit. Taking a deep breath, she walked across the living room and pulled the door open just far enough to peer through it.
Looking out at Pabon from a slice of open door was a beautiful young woman with black hair and deep-brown eyes, eyes swollen from hours of crying. As Rose stared at him, Pabon saw she was wearing fuzzy slippers and a Key West Conchs sweatshirt over a pair of blue jeans. She had a wadded tissue in her hand, but held her head high as she greeted him.
"May I help you?" the young woman asked.
"Miss Lopez? I’m Detective Pabon. May I talk with you?"
"Sure, uh, come in." She opened the door wide, stepped aside and motioned for him to sit in an easy chair near the couch.
"I appreciate you seeing me, especially at a time like this," Pabon said gently as he sat. "I just need to ask you about Ritchie. I understand you and he were close."
"Actually, Ritchie is ... was my boyfriend," she said, sitting on the couch. She tucked her legs under her and let her head fall back on the top cushion. She sniffled and dabbed her eyes.
"This is extremely painful for you," Pabon began, "but I have to go over some things and we can close this case. How much have you heard about how Ritchie … about what happened to him?"
With her head back, staring at the ceiling, Rose answered.
"I got a call from my girlfriends as soon as they heard about it," she said. "They said he was talking to his friends, laughing and stuff and then just started screaming in crazy pain…" Her voice hitched as she stifled a sob. "They said they were calling his name but he wasn’t responding, like he was out of his mind in pain. They said he was foaming at the mouth." Rose sobbed again for the detective.
"Did Ritchie take any drugs, you know, smoke pot, take pills, or …"
"No!" Rose said. "He was an athlete and the football players at school have random urine tests and he could be suspended from playing if they caught him. He drank beer and sometimes mixed drinks, but he never took drugs. Is that what you think happened?"
Pabon ignored the question.
"Does he have a hobby or outdoor activity that might take him into the mangroves?"
"He loves to fish, but he fishes from a boat, detective. This is a strange line of questioning. Can you tell me what you think happened?"
Pabon told Rose what he'd learned from the M.E., that a poisonous plant, a plant that grows in the Keys, could have killed her boyfriend.
"Rose, we think Ritchie somehow ingested something, accidental or otherwise, from that tree. It poisoned him."
Rose’s face blanched. Pabon noticed that her body shook.
"I don't mean to be so graphic but we must be straightforward here," Pabon said. "Yesterday, when he came by to see you, was he eating anything? Did he say if he'd eaten lunch or, you say it's impossible, but did he say anything to you that would indicate he had smoked some plant substance? How about helping someone clear land … has he helped anyone chop down a tree, or clear a yard? We need to know how he got this stuff inside of him."
"He is the kind of guy to help his friends with their yards, helps them paint, that kind of stuff," Rose said. "But I don’t think he’s done anything like that recently for anyone. We were together most of the time."
"I understand he was here with you when he got the phone call to help his friends. I understand he got a phone call from one of his friends while he was here, at your house."
"That’s right, he was here," Rose said, measuring her words. "But only for a minute. He ran out of here pretty fast and I don’t blame him." Rose began to cry again.
"What do you mean, you don’t blame him?"
"We were arguing about something. It wasn’t important, but you know how it is when you’re dating someone. A little argument, that’s all."
Leaning forward to get Rose’s attention, Pabon asked evenly, "I want you to think very carefully before you answer this question, Rose. Did you serve him anything to eat or drink while he was here?" He stared at her, watching her face for clues that she was lying. Rose looked back at him with steady, but weepy, eyes.
"No, nothing, detective. I asked him if he wanted a soda, but he was in a hurry."
Annie has been listening from the hallway, her eyes wide. The tea! Rosie was serving Ritchie tea just before he left yesterday. Just before he died! Could it be that Rose killed Ritchie? The idea was absurd, crazy, but why else would she lie? Anna Maria went to Rose’s bedroom to check something. She found what she was looking for and snuck back up the hall near the living room.
For the 14-year-old, the decision was clear. Rose couldn't go to jail. They were supposed to protect each other; their mother had taught them that. Sisters were more important than boys. Anna listened as Pabon's questions grew more direct.
"You two were arguing? About what?" the detective asked.
"He’d been going behind my back with a girlfriend of mine," Rose lied again. "We had an agreement that we weren’t going to be with other people, and he broke that agreement. Not new in human history."
Pabon nodded thoughtfully. "I have to ask this again. When he was here, did you give him anything to eat or drink? Did he have a soda or a beer in his hand when he came over?"
Rose waited several beats before answering. She knew she would be asked this question. If she admitted serving Ritchie the tea, it was game over. She was going to jail. She had thrown away the cups and washed out the sink, but it wouldn't take much for detectives to find traces of the tea in the trap below the sink. Pabon continued to stare at Rose, waiting as she considered her answer. Rose remained silent, hesitating too long.
Anna burst from the hall and into the living room.
"Nope, he didn’t eat or drink nothing while he was here, officer," Anna blurted to Pabon. "I was here the whole time he was here and he didn’t stick around long enough to have anything. He and Rosie just talked for a few minutes and then he left."
Pabon watched the older sister’s reaction to the little girl's words. Rose kept her eyes on Pabon, fighting a terrible urge to look away.
"Is that right, Rose? You were the last to see him in good health but minutes later he was dead from poisoning?" Pabon snapped. "Does that sound about right to you?"
Rose's heart was pounding. On the outside, she was trying to look calm. Inside, she was teetering on the edge of hysterics. Pabon was leaning far too close to her, like a wolf ready to leap on a rabbit.
"I have no idea what happened to him, detective," Rose finally said after a few moments. "I loved him. Now he's gone and my heart is broken."
With that, Rose began to cry again. This time she wasn’t acting. She was scared. Florida used the electric chair for crimes like this, honor student or no honor student.
Pabon leaned back and looked at length at the two sisters, measuring them. The cogs moved in Pabon's head.They didn’t act like killers, but something was out of whack in this little house.
He also had to consider that Ritchie maybe took something in his car after he left this house. Maybe he thought it would get him high, and he didn’t know what it was.
After all, kids smoke and drank all kinds of stuff these days to get high. Licking the backs of toads for God’s sake. They smoked salvia, an ornamental garden plant related to mint and sold at Home Depot. It has killed some kids, too. At least that’s what the latest U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency missive to local law enforcement agencies said. Lately kids had been smoking spice, a lab-manufactured form of THC they could buy at little corner stores around Key West. Then there was the phenomenon of bath salts, another street chemical high blamed for causing a man whacked out on the substance to eat the face of a homeless man in Miami. Until the M.E. got the lab results from the specimens he sent out for testing, the Big Pine plant was only one possibility as to how Ritchie had died.
At the moment, Pabon knew he had no evidence that these girls had anything to do with Ritchie's death. How would they know about the plant when it took the M.E. several phone calls to experts to learn about it? A half-dozen unlikely steps would have had to occur for this young lady to get the poisonous tree in her hands and get it into the victim. But something was going on here. Their answers didn't sound natural, Pabon reasoned. If necessary, Pabon can return to this house and search it after the M.E. definitely IDs the poison. At that time the detective can pull the trap under the kitchen and bathroom sinks and close the case. Easy enough thing to get a warrant.
"I tell you what, Rose," Pabon said as he stood. "I’m going to leave my card with you and I want you to call me if you need or hear anything."
"Of course!" Rose said a little too quickly.
Pabon stared at her for two beats before continuing. "I am sorry about your boyfriend. Who knows what he got into. If you hear anything or have any other thoughts on what might have happened, please let me know."
"Yes, of course," Rose said through tears of relief. "Thank you, detective."
After Pabon drove off, Rose collapsed onto the couch and let the air rush out of her lungs. She made room for her little sister, who sat down and put her big sister's head in her lap. Rose didn't say anything for a long time. Anna, also lost in deep thought, stroked her sister’s hair.
"I love you big sis," Anna finally said.
"Why did you tell him that?"
"What?"
"Why did you tell the detective that I didn’t give Ritchie anything to eat or drink? I gave him some hot tea. You were in the kitchen."
"I told the detective that because there’s no reason for you to get into trouble if you didn’t do anything to hurt him."
"Of course I didn’t hurt him," Rose said. "I have no idea what happened to him."
"You and I both know you killed him, but blood is thicker than water, Rose."
Rose gasped. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"It all came to me when he was asking you questions," her little sister said, still stroking Rose’s hair. "I was listening in the hallway. I remembered that I saw your textbook, the one you’re using in AP history; on your desk in your room."
"When were you in my room?"
"I borrowed your belt yesterday. The textbook was open to the section on the Indians. There's an artist’s depiction of Indians making a broth and serving it to their enemies. Their enemies were also tied to trees in the book. I put two and two together when I heard the detective describe what happened to Ritchie. Everyone was saying he was like in convulsions, twisting on the ground, grabbing at his stomach, and foaming at the mouth. Then when you were talking to the detective I went back to your room and saw the picture again. I thought about it and your tea is what killed him, there’s no doubt about it."
Rose cringed at her stupidity. All the detective had to do was go in her room and see the text book. Then it would have been over: "Miss Lopez, you are under arrest. Will you please turn around?"
She pushed the thought away. She changed the subject.
"I didn’t give you permission to borrow my belt, Anna.You have your own clothes!"
They both were lost in deep thought.
Anna broke the silence.
"We have had to depend on each other for so long since Dad got kicked out of the family and mother died," Anna said. "We’ve had to fend for ourselves since we were really, young. You mean so much to me, even if we do fight over things, like clothes and guys. You’re my best friend, even if you try to tell me what to do all the time."
"If you concentrated on boys your own age, not older ones who I happen to be dating, we’d be fine," Rose laughed. "You look silly and childish when you chase after these older guys. I’ve told you that before."
"I won’t tell anyone what happened," Anna promised. "I can’t stand the idea of losing my older sister. We’ve been watching out for each other too long."
"You know what, Anna?" Rose said. "You can have my belt. It looks better on you anyway."
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

North Korea, land of bad poetry

Story on Korea is below this installment of "Maddie's Gone"

 

Chapter 2

Maddie hears Julia’s voice
 


After Jim drove off, Julia set off on foot in search of her missing dog.
As she called out for Maddie and peered into yards up and down Catherine Street, Julia quietly cursed Jim for leaving the front door unlatched. She never wanted to see him again. She’d met him at a nightspot last month and they had clicked at first, but his lack of self-awareness and drive had worn on her. He was dressed presentably and seemed intelligent, but he was just this side of sleezy. Julia didn’t like the way he absently stared at other women when they were out. Nor had he ever offered to pick up an entire dinner or bar tab. In fact, Julia had paid their way several times. She had broke it off a couple of weeks ago and now he had entered her house uninvited. While she was asleep!
The only person outside who might have seen Maddie running loose was a middle-aged neighbor named Carol, who was now sitting on her porch just a few houses away. Julia didn’t like Carol. The woman had created havoc in the neighborhood, playing one homeowner against the other. She had even accused Billy, a kind young man with a wonderful wife, of peering into the windows of her bedroom after dark. Everyone knew the accusations were false, but her malicious claims had caused pain in the couple’s marriage. Carol also had gotten drunk during a Saturday afternoon garden party and taken her shirt off before loudly propositioning another neighbor’s husband.
Julia braced herself as she walked up to Carol’s gate.
"Have you seen my dog, Carol? She got out sometime last night and I'm trying to find her."
"It’s not my problem," the woman answered, looking on Julia with disdain."You should have kept your door locked. Not only would you still have your dog, that guy would not have been able to get into your house, as I see it."
Julia didn’t have time for this. She turned and walked away, calling out for Maddie. Carol went into her house and slammed the front door.
Making her way down Catherine to Duval Street, Julia turned right toward downtown. Maddie loved people and activity and Julia knew a lot of people will be checking out the shops and hitting the bars and restaurants on the main tourist street. On this quiet end of Duval, however, with its art galleries and residential homes, she'd see locals walking their dogs. A fellow dog owner, she knew, would have noticed Maddie if she came this way.
Her instincts were correct. A man smoking a cigar with a bulldog at the end of a leash headed down the sidewalk toward her. As she petted his dog, She asked him if he’d seen a Jack Russell terrier running loose.
"Nope, afraid I haven’t," he said, concerned. "I remember her, though; I’ve seen you walking her. If I see her I’ll hold onto her for you. I know what it’s like when they run off. This one always tries, but so far I’ve been lucky."
She asked other people as she made her way downtown, but no one had seen her. They entered her cell phone number into their devices and promised to call if they ran across Maddie. Some pet owners do that instinctively. Other people, she knew, don’t always pay that much attention. She asked people eating and chatting away the late morning at outdoor tables. She leaned into restaurants, asking patrons and waiters if they’d seen her dog. No one had.
Oddly, she kept seeing other Jack Russell terriers, which temporarily raised her hopes. A dead ringer for Maddie lay napping at the feet of a diner as its owner drank a mimosa and chatted across a table. Julia’s heart leaped but she quickly realized it wasn’t her. She saw another Maddie look-alike on a second-story hotel balcony just off Duval Street. And yet another one being let in the front door of a house by its owner. A Jack Russell sped past her, a passenger in a basket mounted on the rear of a scooter.
"Does everyone own a Jack Russell terrier in this town?" Julia muttered to herself.
She stopped on the Duval Street sidewalk and turned. Behind a pet store window, three Jack Russell terrier puppies climbed over each other to get Julia's attention. She smiled and put her hand to the glass. The puppies went crazy, yapping and pawing at the glass. Julia felt like crying. Having Jim in her bed had spooked her more than she thought. Maddie getting out was just the icing on the cake to Jim's invasion of her bed.
Julia saw the worry in her reflection in the pet store window. She didn’t like what she saw. She forced a smile, saw that in the reflection, then laughed.
She’d find Maddie, she told herself. The universe is not aligned against me.
She reached the sidewalks of lower Duval Street, crowded with families and children, retired couples enjoying the afternoon, and cruise ship passengers holding shopping bags of T-shirts, hand-made sandals and other items. The bars were full of people listening to live music and chatting. She left the bars and crowd behind as she walked up Caroline Street, where the large homes of Key West’s founding families had stood for more than 160 years.
She took a moment to stop on the quiet, shaded sidewalk abutting the large, landscaped properties.
Julia loved the broad, wooden porch that wound around the most magnificent of the homes. A short, decorative wrought-iron gate at the sidewalk opened to a walkway that curved through spider lily, sea oxeye daisy, railroad vine, and other ground cover to the home’s wide front steps. She admired the tall front door with egrets etched into its glass under the tall, covered porch. Julia gazed upward to take in the heights of the grand house. Royal palms, straight as redwoods, rose to the uppermost eaves.There were dormer windows way up there, and inside those there must be tiny bedrooms with slanted ceilings.
What would it be like to spend just one night in one of those upper rooms--to awaken at sunrise and look out those uppermost windows before the rest of the island stirred? Or to look down to see clopping horses pulling carriages full of families to church at St. Paul's Episcopal Church?
It was in homes like this one where the Currys, the Whiteheads, Simontons, the Singletons, and other industrious families of 1800s Key West raised their families, and held their garden parties to entertain their rich and cultured friends from around America.
Julia wondered if they took their shirts off and propositioned each other’s spouses, too. She giggled, then caught herself. Clear the mind, she said to herself, time to return to the task at hand.
She walked on, searching the residential neighborhoods off Caroline, Eaton, and Margaret streets. She called out, walking into alleys between the lanes; she walked around entire blocks. This was serious. This was the first time Maddie had not stuck around the neighborhood after getting out. She’d got loose twice in the four years since Julia moved to Key West and bought the house on Catherine Street, but in the first instance, Maddie had been found in a nearby yard; the second time, she’d returned to the house on her own in a matter of minutes.
The afternoon had grown hotter. Under the blazing sun and blue sky, columns of towering, thunder heads marched west over the Gulf of Mexico.
In a sudden burst of fear and frustration Julia yelled louder than ever for her lost dog.
"Maaadeeee! Come here, babeeeee!" "Maaadeeee! Come here, babeeeee!" At a house up the street, a lawn mower roared to life.
Julia looked at her watch. It was getting late. There was only a little daylight left. She headed across the island toward home, walking down Simonton Street instead of Duval. She continued yelling for Maddie and asking everyone she saw if they'd seen her lost dog.
At about the same time Julia kicked Jim out of the house, Maddie had exhausted herself jumping for the top of the cistern. She now stood in the chin-deep water, her coat soaked and water dripping from her chin. Her curly hair was wiry now, turned stiff from the dirty water. She shivered inside her watery trap, whining with fear. Yelping and barking didn’t seem to do any good, either. There was no one around to hear her. She turned her head this way and that, hoping to see some way out of the miserable hole. There was only the brick surface of the cistern’s interior and the circle of blue sky and occasional clouds above. All she could do was watch the sky and hope Julia’s face would appear above her.
There were sounds that reached Maddie, though. Maddie’s ears perked up each time a car honked in the street beyond the house. She heard car radios as cars drove past the house. She also heard the cooing of ring-necked doves and saw a pair fly through the sky above her. She heard electronic voices nearby, too, though she didn't know what it was.
The sun made the air inside the cistern unbearably hot. During the hours the sun shone overhead, the air inside the cistern became hot and stifling. She grew weak from the heat as the long afternoon progressed. She had drunk the rancid water around her legs, but relief still avoided her. When the sun finally moved out of view, Maddie sought the relative coolness of the shade growing on one side of the cistern. She began a new series of high-pitched alarm barks to see if it would bring Julia, or anyone, to rescue her. And so the afternoon wore on toward evening. She’d bark and whine. Then try for the top. Always the water held her down. Then she'd stand, panting, looking above for rescue. She began to sense the possibility of death.
Then, when the afternoon was very old, and her exhaustion forced her eyes closed, she thought she heard something ...
It was faint, on the farthest edge of her hearing. Someone was yelling. It sounded like ...
There it was again! Maddie stood on her hind legs, placing her paws on the cistern wall. Looking up, she listened for the sound again.
"Maaadeeee! Baaabeee! It was Julia! Maddie exploded in joy, barking as loud as she could, leaping as high as she could. Wild with relief, she jumped and barked, jumped and howled, her bark rising higher in desperation.When she reached the apex of her leap, she’d bark, hoping the sound would carry far enough. Julia was coming!
"Maddie! Where are you babeeee!"Pulling together all her strength, Maddie leaped like a nuclear-powered spring; this time nearly reaching the top in spite of the water pulling at her legs.
A lawn mower started up in the yard next door. Maddie didn’t know what the source of that sound was, but the noise was too much to overcome.Try as she might, her barks fell short. But she kept at it for a long time, stopping occasionally to stare at the opening above, expecting to see Julia’s face appear at any moment.
She barked long after the lawn mower stopped making its noise, but Maddie never heard Julia’s call again.
The sun began to set.
Hungry, exhausted from spending the last of her energy, Maddie looked for a place to lie down and rest. There was no such place. She could only stand in the water and look up at the circular twilight so high above her head.
 
"Maddie's Gone" is available at http://www.absolutleyamazingebooks.com; amazon.com and Banesandnoble.com.



North Korea, the land of bad poetry


I think it's fair to say that we all are pretty much sick of North Korea.
Three fat, male relatives--none of whom know how to get a decent haircut--have destroyed the lives of everyone in that trashed country. One dies and another mental case steps in and the Korean Central News Agency, the ruling family's private press release organization, still can't get its syntax correct. Every damn year at this time, as the United States and South Korea hold military exercises, North Korea's stupendously idiotic leader starts bloviating, posturing, and whining. This year is no different, except this commie, the grandson of Kim Il Sung, son of Kim Jong-Il, gets his chance to reveal his leadership style by painting a picture of nuclear war against America.
So we get another disgusting display of fat-headed, arrogant, posturing as North Korea's children roam the countryside in packs, looking for fish heads and leaves to eat. If there is a hell, and there is, it's north of the DMZ. If it weren't for the innocents, the generations of families serving in prison and work camps, if it weren't for the impossibility of separating the bad people from the good people in a hydrogen bomb blast, I'd say, let's just go for it, "Yet Another-Fat North Korean Guy."
What prevents us from just taking the guy out like we did Saddam? The Korean people, who are in fact human shields protecting the buffoons who make up the leadership, are the ones I care about. We use unmanned aircraft to whack Al-Queda leadership as well as American citizens on the run (coming soon) so why not start using the silent and unseen aircraft to decapitate the North Korean leadership? When searching for bin Laden, Pentagon targeters used his height to determine whether a subject in its sights was the instigator of the 9-11 attacks. Why not go after Korea's leadership by launching Predator missiles on civilians with bad haircuts?
When we take over North Korea, I suggest we hold classes on poetry, especially on what to call poems once they are written. Please, dear reader, read please following artcle story on latest trend in Juche poetry for masses of the Central Committee for the Destruction of the Cowardly Western Disease Carriers.
Look at the following poem titles, courtesy of the Korean Central News Agency. Remember, these were written after regular workers in the countryside burst into emotional honoring of Beloved Leader, dropping their rakes and bursting forth in poetic thrusts.


Pyongyang, April 3 (KCNA) -- A stage of poems and songs were given by members of the Democratic Women's Union of Korea at the Hall of Women on Wednesday to mark the 20th anniversary of leader Kim Jong Il's election as chairman of the DPRK National Defence Commission.
Present there were Ro Song Sil, chairwoman of the Central Committee of the women's union, officials of relevant units and the women's union and union members in the city.
The performance began with poem "Two Decades of Victory and Glory". Put on the stage were such numbers as chorus "Glory to the General", serial songs "Our Satellite Lifted off to the Sky" and "At a Go", single reciting of poem "Eternal Sun of Songun Korea" and poem "Spring on Arms".
The performers praised the immortal feats Kim Jong Il performed by honorably defending the dignity and sovereignty of the nation under the uplifted banner of the great Songun and ushering in a new history of building a thriving nation on this land.
They also put on the stage quintets and choruses "Our Leader Beloved by People" and "Ardent Desire" which help look back on the fortune of being blessed with illustrious leaders generation after generation.
Put on the stage were chorus poem "Korean Women of Songun Make an Oath" and choruses "We Will Defend General Kim Jong Un at the Cost of Our Lives" and "Leader, Just Give Us Your Order".



 
 
 

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Maddie's Gone, first chapter

Hello everyone: Here is the first chapter of Maddie's Gone, which is available on Amazon.com, Barnes&noble.com, etc.


Chapter 1

Maddie finds her freedom, then loses it

Maddie pushed the screen door open with her paws.The young Jack Russell terrier had tested that door a hundred mornings but it never popped open—until now.
She stepped onto the front porch, lifted her nose and sampled the riot of smells in the moist air. It had rained all night and now it was tapering off in a drizzle.
The blue sky was pushing aside the rain clouds, allowing sun rays to start drying the streets and wet grass.
Maddie smelled aromas --bitter, sweet, earthy and rotting things, all mixed into a pot of grand adventure.
She hopped down the porch steps and sniffed around the tiny front yard until her nose bumped the bottom of the chain link fence. Maddie glanced back at the front door to make sure the man wasn't around, then launched herself like a spring. She sailed over the fence, using her rear paws to guide her down the other side. She took off at a trot down the sidewalk, her nose just a few centimeters above the pavement. Heading up her own street--Catherine Street--she picked up the smell of garlic, chicken, beef, and the robust scent of steaming coffee as she passed the Cuban restaurant less than a block from her home. She took a left at the corner and moved into new neighborhoods.
Winding through the small, tree-lined streets of Old Town Key West, Maddie found herself in unknown, but comfortable territory: tightly packed homes much like her own--small front yards, small concrete front porches and large, spreading trees with roots breaking through sidewalks. An alley ran the length of each block behind the homes, where families put out their trash and recycling bins. She passed early risers out for a stroll as she made her way through the streets. She'd stop for a moment to greet them before continuing on.
An hour after she left the house, she found herself sniffing along the base of a short wall that bordered the sidewalk. The wall was slightly taller than she was and marked the edge of a large front lawn. She picked up the strong scent of a cat, a large cat by the smell of it. She looked up and froze. Just above her on the wall, a fat, gray cat stared down on her, its eyes wide with surprise. Maddie backed up a few steps, tightened into a spring and leaped at the cat, which had already turned and fled toward its house. Hitting the top of the wall and the lawn, Maddie charged after the streak of feline and followed it as it dashed through a break in the lattice and under the porch. Maddie, her terrier instincts in working order, didn’t apply her brakes but shot right into the darkness under the house.
The cat, which had parked itself just inside the dark, struck out with a heavy, lightning-fast paw that struck Maddie’s face and sent her tumbling in the dirt beneath the porch. The dog quickly recovered her stance and again charged the cat, but the feline was already gone, having run the rest of the way under the house and into the bright sunlight of the back yard.
Emerging into the daylight, Maddie saw the cat sitting on a brick wall at the end of a garden path. The cat gave Maddie a bored look, a look that drives dogs crazy and Maddie was no exception. She growled, but caution postponed her charge. Something wasn’t right. Thirty paces away, her adversary doubled down on her boredom by yawning. Maddie scanned the backyard with her eyes. She saw no doghouse, no chain, nothing to indicate she was on property claimed by another dog. Nor was there any obstruction between her and the cat. Maddie and her adversary stared at each other across the gulf of lawn and garden, sizing each other like prize fighters before the bell. The cat’s tail flicked with growing irritation.
Maddie--no longer contain herself--charged. She bore down and when she reached the base of the wall, she leaped up at the cat, aiming for its midsection. The cat jumped out of the way and Maddie landed on the top of the wall, tried to brake, but she couldn't prevent the skid and slide over the other side. The world disappeared as she fell into a deep hole, landing on her stomach in water. The water wasn't deep, but her head went underwater for a moment until she could regain her footing.
Surprised and frightened, she leapt upward but the water, which came up to her chin, weighed her down. There was no hope of escape. The wall was much too tall. She bounded through the water along the wall looking for an exit point. She ran in circles, splashing inside the cistern, hoping to find a door, something through which to escape. High above her, the sky appeared as a large circle of blue with puffy white clouds floating by. Chin deep in the water, she had no dry place to stand. She was inside a brick cylinder, out of view of the world.
The cat’s face came into view, peering down from the heights.
Seeing the cat, Maddie exploded in a wet, barking frenzy, launching herself again and again at the cat over her head. She jumped and jumped, barking furiously. Exhausted, she stood panting, as water dripped from her bearded chin.
Evidently pleased with itself, the cat batted its tail twice and dropped from view. It walked slowly back to the house without a concern.
Maddie’s heart sank as fear rose from the water into her limbs. She whined, understanding that she was in a fix. She stood in dirty water inside a smooth, brick wall. High above her, the circle of sky now contained anvil clouds. As the morning progressed, the sun rose higher and its power grew stronger, warming the interior of the cistern. At noon, it was at its hottest, and the heat became uncomfortable. In early afternoon, the sun moved out of view, providing some relief.
Into the afternoon Maddie struggled to think of what to do. She barked for help but when no one appeared, she'd be reduced to whining. Tired of standing, she nevertheless could not lay down to rest; the water was too deep for that. So she barked some more, hoping for human help, then whine when no one came.
Then she thought of Julia. She would wait for Julia. She would come for her. She always had.
 
Julia Harvey awakened to loud and wretched snoring.Turning her head on the pillow, she discovered its source.
Her mouth opened in silent disbelief. It was Jim, the man she’d ordered out of her home two weeks ago. Now here he was, sounding like a pig in all his snorting fury. His mouth hung open, releasing rum vapors into the bedroom with each grating exhalation. He must have come in the house during the night and got into her bed as she slept. It didn’t matter that he was on top of the blankets and fully clothed. His presence was incredibly creepy.
Julia slowly slid out of bed slowly to keep from waking him. Better to let him sleep. It would give her some peace as she drank her coffee. Then she’d kick his ass.
Screw waiting.
"Get out of my bed, you idiot!" Julia screamed. "Who do you think you are, you creep! Get up!"
Jim’s snoring stopped and his eyes fluttered. He rolled away from Julia and went back to sleep.
"I said, get out of my bed!"
Slowly, ever so slowly, the tall young man stirred. Moaning, he sat on the side of the bed and put his feet on the floor. He put his head in his hands and rocked back and forth, moaning some more.
"What’s going on Julia?" Jim said in light greeting, his voice hoarse. He wiped the dried drool from his face and rubbed sleep dust from his eyes. He put his head in his hands and stared at the floor, waiting for his head to clear.
"What’s happening?"Julia cried out. "How dare you come into my home while I’m asleep and lay down in my bed? That’s breaking and entering, you creep! I told you not to come back here. I made myself clear when I kicked you out of here. Now I’m going to call the police."
"No, Julia! Don’t do that," Jim said, now fully awake and on his feet. "I’m sorry, I had nowhere else to go."
Julia has lived in Key West for four years and knew the answer to that excuse. This guy was bad news. She didn’t consider him evil, just a loser. She wasn't going to call the police, but still she’s no fool.
"That’s not my problem," she snapped. "I told you when I kicked you out of here that I don’t like you. I don’t want you near me. This is worse than stalking. I’m surprised Maddie didn’t ..."
She paused. Maddie should be in the bedroom right now. Jumping on the bed and waking her up. She looked at the clock on her side table. It was 10 a.m. She had slept longer than she wanted. Maybe Maddie was in the living room, avoiding Jim.
"Maddie, come here baby!" Julia called, heading from the bedroom to the living room. "Come here, sweetie!" Nothing. No bark in greeting; no toenails clicking on the hallway’s wooden floors, no jingling of her dog tags.
"Maddie?" She walked down the hallway toward the living room, stopping to peer into the bathroom in case she was drinking out of the toilet again; no Maddie. In the living room, she saw Maddie’s toys, including her favorite little rubber ball, but no Maddie.
Julia saw that the heavy front door was ajar. She pulled the wooden door inward and pushed on the outer screen door. It swung free. Un-latched. Dammit! She looked outside. Maddie wasn’t on the porch or in the front yard. Running down the steps in her pajamas, Julia went through the front gate and gazed hopefully up and down the nearly dry street.
She turned on Jim, who had emerged from the house to stand on the porch.
"You left the front door open when you stumbled into my house last night, didn’t you? You let Maddie get out! She’s gone.This is why I told you never to come around here.Whenever you come around, things go to hell."
Julia is so angry she begins to cry. She’s not weak; it’s just her way of relieving tension. Standing on the porch, looking so confused and dumb, Jim is at a loss for words. He wasn’t intentionally an ass, it’s just the way he is. She crossed her arms and looked up into the sky, calming herself.
"Look, Julia, I didn’t even think about Maddie getting out," Jim tried. "I came here because I miss you and I ... just miss you."
"It’s OK, it’s OK," Julia said, ignoring his entreaties. I have to go look for her. She’s got to be nearby somewhere. You have to leave. I am sorry you don’t have anywhere to go, but you have to go."
"I understand, I’m leaving. Thanks for letting me stay over, Julia."
"I didn’t ..." she stopped, trying to control her anger.
Jim walked up to Julia, started to give her a hug, but thought better of it when he saw the look in her face. He walked through the gate and got on his scooter. He drove off down the street.
Julia ran inside the house. In her bedroom, Julia pulled on her shorts, sat on the side of the bed and put on her tennis shoes. No time for socks. She pulled on her T-shirt, grabbed Maddie’s leash, and headed out the door and down the street. She must get her baby back. Jack Russell terriers can cover a lot of
ground and in Key West anything can happen to a pet, including getting hit by a car, getting mauled by other dogs ... Julia didn’t want to think about it.
 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Anti-tax whackos invent own language

The humor on the man's face on the right is misplaced. He's mentally ill and a follower of a man called David Wynn Miller, an anti-tax activist whose followers have adopted a bizarre language in court to avoid punishment for not paying taxes.
The smiling man, Jared Lee Loughner, also follows 9-11 conspiracies that state the World Trade Center was brought down with controlled explosives or was an intentional false-flag operation designed to convince Congress to tear the Constitution to threads. That's a mixed metaphor because the Constitution is written on parchment, so the operation on 9-11 was designed to shred the Constitution. That's better.
Miller, the subject of this week's "In From the Cold", is a former tool and die welder who belongs to a bizarre group known as the Sovereign Citizen Movement.
The Movement has convinced the same people who believe Obama is not American to adopt a language he calls "QUANTUM-LANGUAGE-PARSE-SYNTAX-GRAMMAR when trying to convince judges in the United States and Canada that those governments have no jurisdiction over them. In other words, no court under either nation's constitution can legally force these crazies to pay taxes because the courts have no jurisdiction over them.
Wynn, of course, holds seminars all over the U.S. and Canada and charges money to people who want to learn the tricks to not paying taxes. And to stay out of jail for not paying taxes. Talk about bad syntax--that was my fault.
Anyway, here's an example a stupid person, after paying 50 bucks to attend one of Miller's seminars, might tell a federal judge who wants to know why he hasn't paid taxes for 10 years.

"FOR THE FORMS OF OUR PUNCTUATIONS ARE WITH THE CLAIM OF THE USE: FULL-COLON=POSITION-LODIO-FACTS, HYPHEN=COMPOUND-FACTS =KNOWN, PERIOD=END-THOUGHT, COMMA-PAUSE, AND LOCATION-TILDES WITH THE MEANINGS AND USES OF THE COMMUNICATIONS WITH THE FULL-COLON OF THE POSITION-LODIAL-FACT-PHRASE WITH THE FACT/KNOWN-TERM OF THE POSITIONAL-LODIO-FACT-PHRASE AND WITH THE VOID OF THE NOM-DE-GUERRE = DEAD-PERSON."

"According to Miller," the Internet says, "the addition of hyphens and colons to one's name turns the person from an ordinary, taxable human into a non-taxable 'prepositional phrase.'"
So, Miller claims, if you write your name  like this, you can avoid paying taxes: 

: David-Wynn : Miller

Also according to Miller, only nouns have legal authority.

Now, if you are like me you are probably saying to yourself, "What the %&$# is wrong with this guy" or saying, like I am thinking, "I am so sick and tired of these Comma-pause=hyphen-JACK-tildesASSES who are creeping around out there in my country?"

Which brings us to Jered Lee Loughner, the guy in the photograph, who is smiling but in actuality, should be crying. He's the man who opened fire on a crowd of people, including U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (R-AZ) as she spoke to supporters outside a Tuscon shopping center. She survived, but six people did not, including a 9-year-old girl.
Miller said he is appalled at what Loughner did but says he does agree, however, with Loughner's postngs on government mind control and grammar, according to an Internet biography of Wynn.

Here are four cases in which people have tried to use Wynn's language to avoid convictions and the results:

In 1998 Miller assisted Illinois resident George Johnson in his legal defense against child molestation charges. Johnson was convicted and returned to prison in 1999.

In June 1998 Arizona resident James McCreary filed a federal lawsuit after being arrested in February for aggravated assault and possession of drug paraphernalia. In his filing, McCreary mentions the name of his apparent mentor. McCreary's actions in court got his conviction reduced by the judge to three misdemeanors, and he was sentenced to three concurrent 60-day sentences in jail.

In August 2001, Paul and Myrna Schuck unsuccessfully used Miller's language during a tax-evasion trial in Calgary, Alberta. They were later sentenced to jail after claiming postage affixed to their clothing and signed by them made them legally equivalent to royalty.

In October 2001, Andrew William Sereda, a naturopath (a believer in natural medicines), went to jail in Calgary, Alberta, for contempt of court when he addressed a judge in Miller's language during his tax evasion trial.

So, don't feel bad if you're a little late filing taxes. At least you're not these people, who have no hope of grasping any sense of normalcy. Let's just remember that there are people out there like this and we must thank the FBI for keeping an eye on them.

Cheers!

JOHN+HYPHEN-PREPOSITION =L.= GUERRA

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

A disturbing genetics experiment

You've met someone like this before

By John L. Guerra

Take a careful look at this photograph and tell me it doesn't remind you of that guy in high school who wore a light windbreaker in the middle of the winter and never changed his jeans.
Or perhaps he looks like the guy in chemistry class who came from an unhappy home but never complained, never let on that he walked the street all night because his parents were having one of their big fights.
This guy was always in a happy mood; he was the class clown. Receiving the largest applause and loudest cheers at graduation, he didn't stick around town that summer after high school ended. He hit the road for Colorado, Wyoming, someplace out West. Last you heard, he was working as a mechanic in Texas or had hitch-hiked up to Alaska to work a job on the North Slope.
It's the face of the guy who was honest, polite, friendly and respectful to classmates, especially cheerleaders, who shocked everyone but him when they greeted him in the halls with a big hug. His nickname was "Big Mike" or "Jumbo" or something like that.
Well, here's what you didn't know: "Big Mike" is a human-chimp hybrid--the result of welding human and chimpanzee chromosomes in a genetics lab far from the prying eyes of the National Institutes of Health. Also known as "humanzees," such animals have long been considered possible to engineer. Chimpanzees and humans are closely related (95 percent of their DNA sequence and 99 percent of coding DNA) leading to the theory that a hybrid is possible. So, here's how it's put in genetic terms, according to, what else? The Internet. or Wikipedia, which uses footnotes.
"Chromosomes 3, 11, 14, 15, 18, and 20 match between gorillas, chimpanzees, and humans. Chimps and humans match on 1, 2p, 2q, 5, 7–10, 12, 16, and Y as well."
 This level of chromosomal similarity is roughly equivalent to that found in equine species, which have successful hybrids between horses and donkeys (mules) and horses and zebras (Zorses). 
So why not create a humanzee?
People have tried, according to Wikipedia:

"In the 1920s the Soviet biologist Ilya Ivanovich Ivanov carried out a series of experiments to create a human/non human ape hybrid. At first working with his own sperm and chimpanzee females, none of his attempts created a pregnancy.  In 1929 he organized a set of experiments involving nonhuman ape sperm and human volunteers, but was delayed.  The next year he fell under political criticism from the Soviet government and was sentenced to exile in the Kazakh SSR; he worked there at the Kazakh Veterinary-Zootechnical Institute and died of a stroke two years later (As Bill Barry says, "I am not making this up.")
In 1977, researcher J. Michael Bedford discovered that human sperm could penetrate the protective outer membranes of a gibbon egg. Bedford's paper also stated that human spermatozoa would not even attach to the zona surface of non-hominoid primates (baboon, rhesus monkey, and squirrel monkey), concluding that although the specificity of human spermatozoa is not confined to man alone, it probably is restricted to the Hominoidea.
"In 2006, research suggested that after the last common ancester between humans and apes converged into two distinct lineages, inter-lineage sex was still sufficiently common that it produced fertile hybrids for around 1.2 million years after the initial split. However, despite speculation, no case of a human-chimpanzee cross has ever been confirmed to exist."

OK, so there aren't any human-chimp hybrids around, but that can't stop me from posting more images of what they could look like if the mating had been successful. Here are three such images:




Sunday, February 10, 2013

Ape attacks tiki bar customers

Hello everyone!
It's been a month since I last posted a blog from Key West. I apologize for not getting one out until this evening.
The launch of http://www.absolutelyamazingebooks.com, a new ebook publishing site, was the last item I reported to you. It's been doing well, with new book launches and the availability of the books on Kindle, Nook, IPads, and other devices. It won't be long until those books are available on print on demand.
I suggest you sign up on that website for automatic notification when a new book is offered on the site.

Here's a story I wrote for a friend of mine, Jeff Brister who lives with his lovely wife, Maryann, in Maryland.

Don’t Say … Vivisection 
 Copyright 2012, John Guerra

Jeff Brister, tooling down U.S. 1 in his convertible, spotted the tiki bar through a hole
in the mangroves on his right. He slowed, checked his rear-view mirror and executed a U-turn.
It had been an hour since he hit the Keys; it was time for a drink by the water. He drove back up the road and made a left into the narrow driveway leading to the bar. After meandering down a lane to a small, gravel parking lot, he parked his car and got out.
He scanned the small, white-sand beach and blue water of the Gulf of Mexico behind the tiki bar and silently congratulated himself for discovering the perfect spot to have a beer.
Comfy little place, authentic in its rough wood framing and uneven, thatched roof. The front and back of the building were wide open, with solid walls on each side providing support for the roof. He walked up three steps to the cement pad that made up the bar’s floor. High above, ceiling fans rotated slowly to keep the air circulating.
The place had a predictable look for the Keys: old lobster traps, dented and paint-scarred buoys and rusty boat tackle on the walls and ceiling. Jeff felt himself relax as his eyes wandered over the old license plates, fishing poles, fish nets, anchors, and other boatyard flotsam decorating the place.
Photos of patrons holding drinks and mugging for the camera, apparently required by some law in Florida, were stapled to the wooden posts, as were framed photos of giant fish that anglers in the
1940s and 1950s never dreamed wouldn’t be that big again. Glassware hung from racks above the bar, and the old-fashioned cash register was silent.
Surprised to find the place empty, Jeff also could not hail a bartender, or anyone else who might be on duty. He sat at the bar on a stool with torn, green vinyl padding. The only hint the place might be open for business was the fishing show playing on the TV screen above the bar. He yelled "Hello!" several times, hoping someone would appear to serve him a drink.
He waited, taking in the beautiful blue water spreading all the way to the horizon. Glancing around the bar again, he noticed a hand-written sign over the TV:
"Warning: Don’t Say Vivisection," the sign read. Someone had drawn the face of an angry-looking monkey under the strange message. He chuckled to himself. He read it again, this time his lips moved.as he made sure he was reading it correctly. "Warning: Don’t say vivisection." He shook his head, turned on his stool to see if anyone was behind him, and pondered the sign again. That had to be a joke. Jeff, who might never have a reason to say the word in the first place, decided to play along. Nothing else to do. Can’t get a damn drink.
He cleared his throat, looked around to see if anyone was watching, and went for it.
"Vivi –""Don’t do it, mister!" yelled a man who suddenly appeared at a doorway just behind Jeff.
Jeff caught fast movement to his right and almost fell off his stool. A small ape was running down the top of the bar toward him.
"Barry, no!" the bartender screamed.
The ape halted. It had a crest of hair sticking from the top of its head. Beneath a pronounced forehead a pair of small, black eyes glared at Jeff with deep agitation. The ape wasn’t much larger than a big tomcat, but it looked dangerous. Though it had stopped advancing on the bartender’s command, it swung its head from side to side and bounced on little black feet.
The bartender commanded the ape again.
"Barry … Baaaaary. Caaaaalm down, Barry."
The little ape charged Jeff again.
"Barry!! No!"
Something got through to Barry because he slid to a stop about three feet from Jeff, who had jumped up from his stool and turned to run.
"Don’t run, mister," the bartender said evenly. "He’s stopped attacking. If you run now, he’s going to be on you before you can make it to the exit."
Jeff held his ground. The ape was sitting on the bar where it halted. A very human look. Even the way its arm rested across its knee--like a Greek philosopher. Then Jeff saw the small, razor-sharp knife in the hominid’s tiny fist.
"Don’t stare at him! Drop your eyes!" the bartender urged.
Jeff wanted to break and run for his car, but he remembered that the car top was down. Knowing how fast that little bugger moved, Jeff pictured himself carved like a pumpkin behind his steering wheel. He would be dead before he got the car started.

But the ape had calmed; it made a "chukah-chuk," noise, turned and raised its ass. It plodded back to its spot behind the cash register at the end of the bar.
"Sorry mister, but that sign’s there for a reason," the bartender said as he walked past Jeff and took his spot behind the bar. "Barry’s OK, he’s a great ape but there’s only one thing that upsets him, that gets him riled up, and that’s the word we have the sign up for."
"What the hell was that about?" the visitor said, still standing.
"Look, I apologize I wasn’t here when you came in," the skinny and weathered bartender said. He was missing a few bottom teeth. "What’ll you have?"
"A cold beer, please," was all Jeff could say.
The bartender pulled a draft beer and put it on the bar in front of his only customer. "This one’s on me for your … mishap."
"I’ll also have a shot of Wild Turkey 101 and a change of underwear," Jeff said, sitting down again.
"Ha ha! I hear that! My name’s Jimmy. Welcome to the Monkey’s Fist," he said, pouring the shot.
They shook hands across the bar.
"Jeff, and I’m pleased to meet you," he said. "I was at a seminar in Miami for a few days and decided to head down to Key West. Never been there." He tried to sound relaxed, but his eyes were trained on the cash register in case the monkey popped out from behind it.
"I gotta ask," Jeff continued, "what are you doing with an ape that’s not caged, or at least got a leash on it? And was that a knife in his hand? I mean, what the hell was that about?" He downed the Wild Turkey and took a sip of his beer. He wiped his mouth with the back of his arm and burped.
"I know how you feel right now, mister, but this is really Barry’s place," Jimmy said, hooking his thumb over his shoulder. "He was here first, long before me and my partner bought it. For years this bar was an empty shell under a leaky roof. There were weeds crawling up the side of the building and breaking through the walls. It’s hard to spot from the road now, but then it was completely hidden from sight by trees and shrubs, and a big, pile of junk. Barry was here then, and no one knows where he came from, except he’s a Barbary ape, the ones you see running up and down the face of the Rock of Gibraltar in Europe. He’s an old-world ape."
"With an inner-city attitude," Jeff added.
"That’s for sure. When me and my partner bought this little tag of shoreline, we had to
cut the Tiki bar out from under the vines and trees. It’s been here since the1930s but had
been abandoned. Barry was using the place as his home. It was perfect shelter for him because no one knew it was here. Also, he could climb inside the rafters when it rained and the yard had the avocado, Key lime, and star fruit trees for him to eat. And I guess he found plenty of food, because as you can see, he’s strong. But he had to be lonely all that time.
"He took to us like anyone who’s been living alone for a long time. When we walked the property with the real estate agent in ‘70, he must have hidden because we didn’t see him and the realtor didn’t know anything about him. After we closed on the land, we started clearing the weeds, vines and junk from around the yard, and that’s when Barry introduced himself. Made us jump. He just dropped to the ground from the top of the rafters and stood erect before us, rocking side to side."
"No, kidding!" Jeff said. This was getting good.
"He really is a cool, little dude, too," Jimmy said.
As we brought in lumber and began to rebuild the place, he hung around, chattering, chattering, chattering. He was glad to be part of something, real glad to do some meaningful activity with a group. We were his new tribe, or troop, whatever monkey families are called."
"It seems pretty lonely around here still," Jeff said, motioning to the empty bar stools surrounding the bar.
"Stick around. People will start coming in soon. We’re a real community; this is a neighborhood place."
"Why the sign? I mean, how did you figure out that he’s sensitive to …
Jimmy raised his hand to halt Jeff from continuing.
"... that word?"
They both stole a look toward the cash register. No movement.
"Because of his … behavior, we got the feeling Barry had been a lab animal or at least heard about …" Jimmy paused, pointing to the sign, "… the experiments where they hurt and maimed his fellow primates. There’s an island out in the Gulf called Lois Key, and it used to be full of monkeys on the loose. It was owned by Bausch and Lomb, the makers of eyeglass lenses. We think Barry swam from there. They didn’t torture monkeys out there, but it’s where they kept them until they were plucked from there and taken to a lab somewhere on the mainland. We don’t know how Barry made the connection to the ... V-word."
"But how the hell does he understand the word vi …"
Barry’s head shot up; Jeff saw eyes sparkle in the shadows.
"Mister, you’ve got to be careful!" Jimmy the bartender scolded. "I can’t always control Barry. He doesn’t put up with any bullshit."
Jeff decided that he’d had enough of this place. He’s got to hit the road anyway. Key West was still a long drive from this psycho monkey and his stoned keeper.
"Margot! Right on time!" Jimmy yelled past Jeff’s shoulder. Jeff turned to see who the bartender was hailing.
Margot was one of the most bizarre women Jeff had ever seen. She wasn’t very tall, but she carried herself like a princess. She wore a long, flowered skirt and a green, Danskin top. A long, gold necklace hung almost to her knees and though her arms were thin and elegant, her hands were large with webs between her fingers. She had ridden a bicycle to the bar. Jeff felt a chill crawl up his spine.
"Jimmy, I’ve had a tough day," Margot sighed. "Give me the usual, but make it a double. Where’s Barry?"
"He’s right here, honey. Grab a stool."
"I’ll take another beer, too," Jeff told Jimmy.
The woman glanced at Jeff with disapproval but gave him a grudging smile. She sat four stools away.
As soon as her derriere hit the stool, the ape emerged from behind the register and padded her way as sweetly as can be toward the new arrival. He carried a small jar of mixed nuts in one hand, so he was ungainly on three paws. But he made to Margot without spilling a cashew.
"Bar-reeeeeee!" Margot squealed. The little ape put the bowl on the bar in front of her and stood, opening his arms wide. As Margot leaned forward, Jeff watched as the damn thing wrapped its arms around her neck and pecked her cheek with little curled lips. He made a pleasant chucking and clicking sound as they embraced. Jeff noticed with disgust that Margot’s webbed fingers were spread wide on Barry’s back. His head swum in nausea.
Jeff felt strangely ignored, however; neither the ape nor the web-fingered woman acted as if Jeff was present. Not to mention that Jeff got a blade with his greeting.
Jeff felt like an outsider. He was tempted to yell the "V" word right here, right now. Bring it on, you little bastard. He looked around the bar for a weapon, anything he could use to bean the little hominid next time he charged. But Barry did the unexpected, again. He released Margot and headed down the bar top toward Jeff.
Jeff froze in horror, but the ape seemed calm. It stopped in front of him, eyed Jeff calmly, then opened his arms for a hug.
"Hug him, for Chrissakes," Margot said. "If you want to be welcome here again, I’d do it."
"I met this sucker once already and it didn’t go so well," Jeff said, not taking his eyes off the ape as it stood before him with its arms open.
Jeff can smell Barry; it’s not a bad smell, but it’s the aroma of a little beast, like a raccoon or a
muskrat.
"Don’t hurt his feelings, Jeff," the bartender piped in. "If I was you, I’d hug him and fast."
"OK, OK," Jeff said as he put his arms around Barry. Barry did the same, but instead of kissing him on the cheek, Barry plants his lips on Jeff’s lips. He ambled off, leaving Jeff shocked and slightly disgusted. These things eat their own feces.
"That’s weird," Margot harrumphed. "He’s never done that before. Have you ever met
Barry before?"
"Nope," Jimmy jumped in again. "They had a little misunderstanding (he pointed to the
sign) and that’s Barry’s way of making friends again."
"Are you kidding? What the hell is your problem, dude?" the frog-handed woman asked.
"It’s Jeff."
"What?"
"My name is Jeff."
"Oh, well Jeff, you must not be very smart. That sign is up there for a reason. Why would
you do that when the sign says clearly that it’s dangerous to say what you said? I would
have taken you for smarter than that."
"Now that you mention it, I’ve got a question for you lady," Jeff snapped, pointing at the
sign. "That’s not a word most people pop off in normal conversation. Why the hell would
you have a sign that would create a dangerous situation for customers, not to mention the animal? That sign must cause more problems than it prevents."
"So you’re a smart guy, huh?" Margot sniffed. "It so happens that a lot of people know that word, with the sign up or not."
"What?"
"That’s right. I’ve seen it magazines, in animal rights ads, and I’ve even heard it on TV.
People use that word all the time, especially at animal rights rallies and stuff. The fact
that no one says the word around this bar with that sign up there is proof that it works."
Jeff shook his head and stared into his beer. He could not find a way to respond to this woman’s reasoning, or lack thereof. But he tried anyway.
"OK, I’ll humor you," he began. "Speaking of the TV, what happens when the news
comes on and they’re interviewing an animal rights activist or a veterinarian or a scientist
and they use that word on TV?"
"That’s our fourth TV," Jimmy piped in again.
Jeff laughed at both of them, a good long laugh at the stupidity of these people. An hour earlier,
he’d been driving down U.S. 1, heading to Key West for a much-anticipated visit and he’d somehow crossed into a simian Twilight Zone.
"You can’t be serious! Are you pulling my leg?" Jeff yelled.
"Nope, this one’s about ready to retire, too," the bartender said. He had the remote in his hands and switched from CNN to other channels until a Marlins game popped up.
As he watched the channels flip by, Jeff saw that the TV’s plastic casing was gouged; that the set’s been scratched, chipped and dented. He dared not ask, but did so anyway.
"Did Barry do that to the TV?" Jeff asked Jimmy. "Because there was a show on discussing the V-word?"
"Yep. About three months ago. Luckily I got the remote and turned it off before Barry
could smash the tube."
Jeff decided to order another beer and to drink it in silence. He would not engage these people further. No monkey, no bartender, absolutely no Margot.
More people arrived as the afternoon wore into evening, and before Jeff knew it, he was among a lively crowd and Barry’s no longer behind the register all the time. He’s fully engaged, hugging customers, lugging bar snacks, and walking around in confidence.
No one, absolutely no one, asked about the sign above the TV. As long as that subject was never raised, people had a chance, Jeff mused.
Jeff left the bar as sunset began and turned his car south on U.S. 1, headed to Key West. He thought about Barry and what he'd witnessed. That place had once been Barry's quiet home. Once humans bought it and began to change it, there was nothing he could do to stop them from opening a bar. Now, he was trying to go along to get along, exploding whenever someone read the dreaded word out loud. He was clearly unhappy. An idea began to form in Jeff's head: He would return and rescue Barry from the stupid bartender who didn't know that Barry was stuck. Jeff would give Barry his home back and make sure he never heard the V-word again.
That, dear reader, is a story for another day.
 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

"Maddie's Gone "


The amazing story of a lost dog in Key West

The dog to the right will become very familiar to readers in this nation in the next two weeks. The dog's name is Maddie, and she became famous in Key West four years ago after she jumped out of the back of a pickup truck in Old Town and chased a chicken under a house. The owner got out and looked for her, but the dog never emerged from under the house, which is near the Key West Bight. Puzzled, the owner launched a search that lasted for several weeks and suffered the fear and sadness that engulfs pet owners when their loved ones disappear. Yet the dog hadn't gone anywhere. When running into the dark, the dog fell into a cistern that was used to collect rainwater in the days before Key West had indoor plumbing, or "city water" as old-timers put it.
The dog was in that cistern, trapped in a place where no one could see her, where no one could hear her entreaties for help. Her owners put up flyers all over town that cried out, "Maddie's Gone!"
 I kept seeing that flyer and an idea for a novel began to form in my mind. What goes on in a dog's mind when it is trapped, when hope runs out? Does it think of its owner? What kinds of terror does it create for the animal? What is the spiritual link between pets and their owners? There is one, you know.
Thus, my first novel was born (by the way, because this is my blog, please forgive me if I give myself free advertising--but several editors who have read it say it's great).
The book is much more than about Maddie's plight, by the way. The human characters, which include Julia, Maddie's owner; Jim, the sometimes homeless troublemaker; Julia's sick and sadistic neighbor; and a cast of other Key West people (all fictional) search for the dog, but with different motives. The offer of a reward for Maddie's safe return creates a collision between characters that leads to murder, betrayal, and other untoward behavior. The cover may look innocent, but trust me, this is about adults behaving badly.
Maddie's Gone is nine chapters long; between each chapter, however, is a self-contained short story in which Maddie makes a cameo appearance. In "Honor Student," a Key West High School senior struggles to protect her little sister from her own boyfriend who is acting inappropriately, to say the least.
In "Dying Declaration," an old man on his death bed recounts JFK's visit to Key West in 1962; he tells his young nephews of his discovery during JFK's Key West visit that foretold of the slaughter in Dealy Plaza a year later. "Manny's Story" is a salute to shrimpers and fishermen of Key West in the 1940s. Manny, an old shrimp captain, describes to a younger man visiting the city how his young wife met her end in the Gulf of Mexico so many years ago.
Maddie shows up briefly in each of the short stories.  She walks down the street and into a scene in one story; in another short story, a homeless woman sees the "Maddie's Gone" poster at the Kennedy Drive baseball fields and embarks on a plan that ends miserably. Without giving away the whole book, the short stories carry the main tale of Maddie forward and in the end, the various plots come together in what I've been told is a great and satisfying ending.
So: Here's the pitch: As readers of my blog, I'm hoping you'll buy the book! It's not self-published, which means my publisher has vetted it (sorry about the pun on pets) and has declared it worthy of his stable of ebooks at http://www.absolutelyamazingebooks.com. Once you get to the site, go to "New Titles" in the menu bar at the top and click on "Maddie's Gone." The book is $2.99 and is downloadable on the various readers.
Now, a word about Absolutelyamazingebooks.com. It's the brainchild of Shirrel Rhoades, a pulisher for the past 40 years who wants to launch new writers from around the nation, though he also sells books by established Key West writers like Tom Corcoran, Michael Haskins, Brewster Chamberlin, William R. Burkett, Jr., Lucy Burdette, Jessica Argyle, and others.
He publishes mystery/thrillers. romance, science fiction, poetry, biographies, comedy, self-help books, short story collections ... you  name it.
He also has a great collection of science fiction titles from the 1930s (very cool) as well as a ton of other great ttles by great authors, including himself.
It went live today (Thursday) and will be very successful.
At any rate, I sure hope you'll buy my book; Maddie will appreciate it (if she's still around, that is).
This is a story that will inhabit your heart.

Thanks! Next week, it's back to my normal writing about dinosaurs in the Congo and stuff like that.

--John Guerra